A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the dotor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers labor pain to the father. When asked if they were willing to try it out, they were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the husband had ever experienced before. But, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husbad was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbads blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer all of the pain to him. The wife delivered a baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific." The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken finger."

The old family physician being away on vacation, entrusted his practice to his son - a recent medical student. When the old man returned, the youngster told him among other things, that he cured Miss Ferguson, an aged and wealthy spinster, of her chronic indigestion. "My boy," said the old doctor, "I'm proud of you, but Miss Ferguson's indigestion is what put you through college."

A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighbourhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy, and immediately began his routine, "I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!" The other guy looked at him and declared, "I did not!"

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replied, "Sure."

She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!"

The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."