According to Dr. Condoleezza
Rice, we have to bring the fight to the terrorists, because they won't come to us. We have to find them, and even though
we do not know where they live or who they are, I guess that doesn't matter. Take Madrid for example.
Now who the hell
put those bombs on those trains? They just released the Algerian they arrested, who knows who did it? We thought we would
ask Dr. Condoleezza Rice, because; How can we take the fight to the terrorists, when we do not know who or where they are?
Where is Osama Bin Laden? Who brought the fight to us, and murdered American citizens, using Anthrax? If anybody has
the answer, it is Dr. Condoleezza Rice. We do not have the intelligence or the resources that Dr. Condoleezza Rice will
invariably refuse to disclose, because when it's in the National Security Interest, you have to beg, lie, cheat, borrow
and steal, or you can tell the truth.
NSNEWS: It's a very great pleasure for us this evening to
say hello to an up-and-coming terrorist fighter, Dr. Condoleezza Rice.
RICE: "Hello, it's good to be here."
NSNEWS: "What do you do to combat terrorism?"
RICE: "We are bringing the fight to the terrorists and
making their world smaller and smaller and smaller... "
NSNEWS: "According to Pakistani officials, Ayman
al-Zawahiri, may be holed up, just like Saddam Hussein. Will it be good for the war against terrorism if he is
RICE: "It doesn't really matter you know."
NSNEWS: "What do you mean?"
"Terrorism is like a hydra with many heads. If any of the heads are severed another will grow in its place."
NSNEWS: "So how do you plan to defeat terrorism?"
RICE: "Like the President said, this is going to take
NSNEWS: "How many years?"
RICE: "Many, many, many years."
NSNEWS: "Do you have to be so
RICE: "The President said it's going to take years and the President has been right so far."
NSNEWS: "Ms. Rice, Republican National Security Advisers have a very
shady past, does it go with the territory?"
RICE: "I have a bachelor's degree in political science, cum laude and
Phi Beta Kappa, from the University of Denver, a master's from the University of Notre Dame and a Ph.D. from the Graduate
School of International Studies at the University of Denver."
NSNEWS: "Right, but who does all the work, is it
still Oliver North and John Poindexter?
RICE: "No way hozay !"
NSNEWS: "Ms. Rice, if Oliver North can run an enterprise out of the White House basement, he can do just as well from a penthouse suite with a modem, don't you think?"
RICE: "And a mouse."
NSNEWS: "I beg your pardon?"
NSNEWS: (comic voice) "Did you say he would need a modem AND a
RICE: "That is correct."
NSNEWS: "I'll be damned, you're thorough."
"That's why I chose the intelligence business.
NSNEWS: "Well, umm... it certainly didn't choose you. Now Oliver
North created quite a splash as a member of Reagan's National Security Council, is he still running the show, Ms.
RICE: "That was then, this is now..."
NSNEWS: "Ms. Rice, our sources have indicated that North was embedded with U.S. troops in Iraq, where his helicopter was struck by enemy fire
and he witnessed some of the first American casualties of the war. Does Mr. North report directly to the President?
President only mentioned David Bloom, but to answer your question -NO -he reports to Dick Cheney. "
NSNEWS: "So he's running the government then? "
RICE: "No, he's just keeping us all safe."
NSNEWS: "Do you know what Oliver North said about Abu Nidal, in 1987, when he was asked
'And what do you recommend we do about him?'
NSNEWS: Oliver North said, "If it were me I would recommend an assassin team
be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth."
NSNEWS: "Is that our current policy?"
RICE: "Yes. So far, yes."
"And how would that policy work against somebody like Abu Nidal?"
RICE: "What do you mean?"
"What I mean Ms. Rice is that these terrorists change sides so often, you never know who they're working for. In 1991, one
of the PLO's highest officers, Salah Khalaf, was killed in Tunis by Abu Nidal's men.
RICE: "That's good."
NSNEWS: "My point is, the best way to catch terrorists is to cooperate with all
nations. Whose side is Osama Bin Laden on now?
These terrorists evidently do not have any loyalty, they switch sides all the time, so how can we possibly know who they
are targeting or why? "
RICE: "It doesn't matter. If we get him, somebody will take his place.
NSNEWS: "Thank you Ms. Rice. I guess we'll have to end this interview because it looks like we're going in circles."
We have been speaking to National Security Adviser, Condaleesa Rice, and I hope you can join us next week, when we won't
be speaking, to Oliver North or to John Poindexter because they are both private citizens who will not divulge the national security secrets that Condoleeza Rice's is brilliantly managing with unprecedented incompetence -- Thank you and good night."